I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize