Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
