I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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