oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
