I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
