A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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