New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
