cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
