We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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