i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
