those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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