3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
