dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
someone owes me an orgasm
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
