We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
