I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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