I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
