i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
