either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
