what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
