I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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