There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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