Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Randomize
