An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
