Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize