allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I want to walk on stilts...naked
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
