some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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