FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
