Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
