That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
