Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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