just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
