I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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