Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
