he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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