And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I will pee on everything he values.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
