Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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