I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
