HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize