I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Can I color on your dick again?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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