Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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