I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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