Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
