It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
