It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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