Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
