Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
