what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
