I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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