omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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