He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
