Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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