went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
