is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
