I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
