Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
