this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
