He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
