Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
