when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
