I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
