when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
