All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize