dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
