I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
