your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
