Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
