Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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