just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
