does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
