Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
