I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize