So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just found puke in my bra..
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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