I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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