How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
