Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
