on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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