...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
