he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
