Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
