boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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