It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
