if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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