ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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