Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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