So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
