So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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