Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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