I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
